Five Days That I Loathe Using Instagram

Instagram is a great tool that gives users a chance to feel FOMO about what their friends are doing. What other media platform can you become instantly jealous about what your friend’s are doing? Facebook provides a similar function but it has words in addition to photos. Twitter is useful as well, but you need to click on links to see pictures and 140 characters sometimes cannot instantly convey what you’re doing though.

The thing you have to keep in mind is that social media sites like Instagram only give you the glimpse into someones life when positive things are happening. To quote T.S. Pfeffer, “if we all shared how we were really feeling – or – what we were really doing, Facebook would be a much different place.”

There are a couple of days a year when I can stand going onto Instagram. Everyone is photographing the same thing. I’ve been told not to internalize my anger, so I decided to share these days with you.

1. Thanksgiving 

Oh really? Your family has turkey on Thanksgiving. That’s amazing. According to Instagram over 200 photos were shared a second(!) using a Thanksgiving related hashtag. Once we had a day to spend time family, now we are preoccupied with determining what’s the best filter their is to use when trying to showcase the specific color and crispiness of your turkey. What a great use of technology.

2. Any warm weekend day in the summer.

What’s a great way to make friends jealous on a hot day? Why not rest your cell phone on your belly and take a picture poolside prominently showcasing your legs. Awesome. You have a pool or at someone else’s pool. WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO.

3. Super Bowl Sunday

Look I like football just as much as the next guy, but it pains me to see people posting the same goddamn snacks that everyone else has at their super bowl party. YOU DRINK BEER AT THE SUPER BOWL? OH SHIT! YOU MADE CUPCAKES WITH THAT LOOK LIKE A GREEN FOOTBALL TEAM? YOU SHOULD GET ON CUPCAKE AWARDS BECAUSE OF YOUR PASTRY ACUMEN.

4. Any day it snows. 

You should probably be apply to be a photographer for National Geographic your nature game is so tight.

5. Any day that ends in “y” when I see a selfie.

You really look unique and special when you photograph yourself in an outfit that probably thousands of other girls bought at Urban Outfitters. Congrats, your another sheep following the herd.

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