Five Simple Acts of Chivalry

By Cousin Avi

Chivalry was basically a ploy for knights to get laid. These guys were scamming on the prudest women in the history of mankind. Before the Middle Ages was an era of orgies. The Middle Ages ushered in a culture of virginity. Guys, these bitches wore chastity belts. Yet, the knight got laid on the reg. With the amount of self-objectifying and lack of worth that the women in our generation enact, chivalry is a man’s best friend. There is no excuse for not trying this out. This shit is easy.

Open the door for her.

Don’t hold it open on the way in. The woman is just going to feel a sense of urgency and obligation to run to the door to let you complete your stride.  Turn the knob and step to the side.

Offer to help her carry shit.

Nine times out of ten she will refuse the help. But it really doesn’t matter. This gesture will instill in her mind that you are a nice and polite man. Girls tell their friends about this shit. Like, “Omg that guy is so nice!”. If she does let you carry her shit, she 100% wants the d.

Give up your seat on the bus.

The beauty of this tactic is that the uglier woman you give your seat to, the more credit you will get from the surrounding, more attractive women, for not being shallow. Half the time she will refuse the seat but again it doesn’t matter. You have an audience that witnessed this chivalrous act. Only ask the person directly in front of you.

*If she declines the seat don’t ask other women. You will look like a creep.

Keep her safe from traffic

This isn’t a common act of chivalry but I have found it effective. If there is a car, any more than fifty feet away from where you are crossing, grab her with one arm or hand, and dramatically pull her from the “danger”. This gives her the feeling that she is safe with you.

Push her floor button on the elevator.

If you don’t have elevator game, you don’t have shit. The elevator is like living in the 60s. You know why those hippies had so much anonymous sex? It’s because their bitches weren’t on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram getting hit up by 30 dudes who are down to gorilla-fuck them. When you were talking with a girl in the 60s it was just you and her. Nobody else exits. The elevator simulates this environment. Ask her for what floor number you should push. You must ask this immediately. Don’t even give her a chance to extend her finger to push that button.

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