Five Bachelorette Contestants With No Shot At Winning

Yesterday  I wrote about “Five Bachelorette Contestants With A Shot At Winning,” today we are going to look at five contestants with no shot. Even though the competition is not a “beauty” or “popularity,” contest, it really. It matters what these guys look like. In the first episode alone, we saw Dez start weeding out the weird looking guys. We had her kick off Larry, the 34 year-old doctor, Diogo, the guy who showed up in a full suit armor. Even Micah who went through the trouble of making his own clothing(!) was ousted.

These were among the first guys to go home, the following five guys may not be far behind.

1. Will

Will is the only contestant on the show that is African-American. He also the only contestant who is extremely weird. On his questionnaire, he says his ideal first date is taking someone to the gym. He is also the kind of person who “high fives” random people in public. In fact, the first time he meets Dez, does he give her a hug? No. He gives her a high five, like his favorite baseball team just scored a homerun. I don’t think he’ll he be scoring any home runs with Dez (see what I did there).

2. Brooks 

I really thought Brooks would be one of the first guys to go. He’s wearing some off-putting denim number in his casting photo and he just seemed extremely boring. He is also from Utah (mormon alert!). Also, his most treasured gift from his family is a kilt. I’m done with Brooks.

3. Robert

Robert seems like a pretty normal dude. He has all the attributes that Dez likes. He looks like a prom king and is into extreme. However, he may be a little full of himself. He calls himself an “entrepreneur” because he invented this way of “swinging signs.” I don’t know if anyone could have invented this. It’s like saying you’re the first person to write a witty saying on a blackboard outside your restaurant.

4. Brad

Brad is the ultimate meathead. His three favorite movies are National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The Hangover and Iron Man. Of course. His favorite book is ESPN the Magazine. It is a magazine. Not a book. This is troubling. I feel like not even Dez will be able to deal with him.

5. Michael G. 

Michael G. might almost be too perfect of a guy for Dez which raises some alarms. His favorite authors are Dante (who the hell’s favorite author is DANTE) and F. Scott Fitzgerald. His favorite bands are Billy Joel, Radiohead and Pearl Jam. All these answers are too perfect. He is also a federal prosecutor. I think he might also be gay. I’m not saying he is(obviously) but this show is from a woman’s perspective and if she feels like something is up, you know he’s going home.

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2 responses to “Five Bachelorette Contestants With No Shot At Winning

  1. Brad is clearly a gay man. I hope he does find love… with a man. You can see it in his eyes. What Des sees as “missing” his his desire for a a woman.

  2. Robert, oh Robert. I’m a gay teen, and I am editor fell in love with him.

    What does Dez not see in him… 😩

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